How to (Re-)Build Trust in a Relationship

How to Build Trust in a Relationship: 9 Key Behaviors

Building trust in a relationship requires accountability and consistent effort (Blakey, 2020). This needs to manifest in the dependability of actions and a sense of emotional safety, especially during conflict, which is bound to happen in any evolving relationship.

Let’s be clear: Trust is not built on perfection or constant harmony. How a new couple navigates misunderstandings and disagreements is equally as important for building and rebuilding trust.

The following behaviors focus on how your actions and emotions help create the space for others to be vulnerable and open around you.

1. Be true to your word and follow through with actions

Trust begins with honesty and integrity (Blakey, 2020). Keep promises and avoid making commitments you cannot uphold.

If trust has been broken, consistently showing up with honesty allows the hurt partner to observe your efforts without placing the burden of reconciliation on them.

2. Learn how to communicate effectively

Clear, accountable communication is vital. Being consistent in how you vocalize your needs helps your partner get to know you. State what you can and cannot commit to and learn to acknowledge your feelings and the emotions your partner might have.

Communicate with the intent to connect or, if necessary, to repair rather than justify your actions. Building trust requires openness to feedback, even when it’s uncomfortable (Gottman & Silver, 2015).

3. Practice empathy

Empathy is central to establishing genuine trust. Stepping into your partner’s perspective and validating their emotions fosters connection and safety (Orloff, 2023). It also shows your own emotional intelligence.

Demonstrating empathy shows that you understand the depth of their experience and are committed to prioritizing your partner’s feelings and needs.

4. Cultivate emotional responsiveness

Being emotionally attuned to your partner’s needs is essential for building trust, whether for the first time or after a misunderstanding.

Sue Johnson (2008), a renowned clinical psychologist known for her research on attachment bonding, highlights that responsiveness during moments of vulnerability strengthens emotional bonds and creates a sense of security in the relationship.

5. Take time to make decisions and think before acting

Building trust requires intentionality. Inconsistency in actions, thoughtless decision-making, or overpromising can undermine progress. Evaluate your capacity and the potential consequences of your actions before making commitments so that you can be seen as a stable and trustworthy individual (Schwartz, 2004).

6. Engage in rituals of connection

Small, intentional actions, such as shared rituals or routines, help rebuild intimacy and reinforce trust. These moments of connection, such as weekly check-ins or shared gratitude practices, create stability and demonstrate commitment to the relationship (Gottman & Silver, 2015).

7. Admit your mistakes

Mistakes happen. And how a new relationship handles those mistakes can make or break trust. Acknowledge your mistakes openly and without excuses. Avoid pressuring your partner to forgive you immediately. Instead, let your accountability speak to your genuine remorse. This vulnerability fosters connection and builds a foundation for trust (Tavris & Aronson, 2007).

8. Accept influence from your partner

Gottman and Silver’s (2015) research shows that exploring your partner’s influence is a key to connection. Listen actively to your partner’s hopes and concerns, be willing to adapt your behavior to show your support, learn to accommodate and adjust, and collaborate on a vision that honors their dreams and respects their needs.

9. Express gratitude regularly

Gratitude strengthens connection and trust. Expressing gratitude and appreciation to your partner in how they show up for you shows humility and respect, reinforcing positive behaviors in the relationship (Brown, 2012).